Today happens to be my father’s birthday. How old is he? I don’t know really since I hardly know him. I do know that he was in the Korean War so I guess that puts him in his mid 70’s. I’m not even sure why I remember his birthday each year when it comes around…or why I should care. Perhaps it’s that I realize that it’s just another year in which I missed having any part of his life and vice versa.

Some of you who know me personally know the details of the story of my father but I’m guessing most of the people reading this are a bit confused as to why I’m a bit bitter when I speak of him. Without going into too much detail…let’s just say my father is a jerk. And by “jerk”…I don’t mean he’s a bad guy. He just made a choice in his life that didn’t include me. Yeah, yeah…So I have “abandonment issues“..there are worse things I could have eh?

I guess this makes me some sort of “Love Child” since my dad was already married to someone else(with 5 other kids) who was, and still is clueless that I was even born. For years, I’d always hoped that this situation would change and that one day I’d wake up he would give me public recognition that I’m his son but as more and more time goes on, I realize that is never going to happen. I know I could always come knocking on his door and “spill the beans” but I’m not going to do that though I’ve come real close to doing that in the past. However, when he dies you can bet I’ll be sure to let his other kids know that they have had a half-brother floating around out there. I’d really like to meet these siblings and give them the choice whether or not they’d like to know me. Right now, they don’t even have that option but they will someday.

My dad does call about once a year to check in on me and ask how things are doing. I’m sure a part of him actually DOES care but I think he cares more about me ruining his life…I won’t be doing that…but I’ll probably end up ruining his death (if that makes sense).

And so..this is the sort of stuff I think about when June 1st comes around each year.